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Stephen Colbert - I am America (and so can You!)
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I am America (and so can You!)
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I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!)
Stephen Colbert Richard Dahm Paul Dinello Allison Silverman
Michael Brumm, Eric Drydale, Rob Dubbin, Glenn Eichler, Peter Grosz, Peter Gwinn, Jay Katsir, Laura Krafft, Frank Lesser, Tom Purcell
Meredith Bennett
Doyle Partners
Andro Buneta, Jake Chessum, Alex Cooley, Kris Long
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION Featuring Hello and Other Thoughts
HOW TO READ THIS BOOK
MY AMERICAN CHILDHOOD
CHAPTER ONE THE FAMILY So Help Me God, I Will Turn This Book Around Right Here
THE FAMILY
CHAPTER TWO OLD PEOPLE Your Glasses Are on Top of Your Head
OLD PEOPLE
CHAPTER THREE ANIMALS Marking My Territory
ANIMALS
CHAPTER FOUR RELIGION Accepting Jesus As My Personal Editor
RELIGION
MY AMERICAN ADOLESCENCE
CHAPTER FIVE SPORTS When It’s Okay to Shower With Men
SPORTS
CHAPTER SIX SEX & DATING 1001 Abstinence Positions
SEX AND DATING
CHAPTER SEVEN HOMOSEXUALS Do Not Read By Glowstick Light
HOMOSEXUALS
CHAPTER EIGHT HIGHER EDUCATION Smarties Pantsed
HIGHER EDUCATION
CHAPTER NINE HOLLYWOOD Lights! Camera! Treason!
HOLLYWOOD
MY AMERICAN MATURITY
CHAPTER TEN THE MEDIA Stop the Presses! Forever!
THE MEDIA
CHAPTER ELEVEN CLASS WAR Let Them Buy Cake for a Change
CLASS WAR
CHAPTER TWELVE RACE Fact or Fiction?
RACE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN IMMIGRANTS No Way, Jose
IMMIGRANTS
CHAPTER FOURTEEN SCIENCE Thanks for the Nukes, Now Go Away
SCIENCE
A NOTE TO THE FUTURE Instructions on How to Defrost My Head
WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?
HOW TO RETIRE THIS BOOK
APPENDIX The White House Correspondents’ Dinner
THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS’ DINNER
INDEX
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
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